Sunday, 8 November 2015

Memories of a Scapegoat :Risking Our Lives to Make a Point

Most people look at me in shock or disgust when I tell them I have cut off my entire family, I get comments such as how could you deny him his grandparents! Or grandparents are the most precious thing to a child you will cause him long term damage it’s so cruel. The majority of people can be like this even after they have heard a story or two, they will look at my wife and I like we are cold blooded monsters who wilfully seek to deny our child of his family. There are the other types the ones who hear a story or two and blame us for the abuse we received and will say things like you shouldn’t have let them in or why did you keep seeing them its your own fault. It happened because we were stalked, because they would knock on our door without telling us they were coming and barge their way in to our house, because they would turn up at our sons school uninvited and expect to be welcomed, the more we asked them to back off the more intense they became and the more abusive and threatening they got, that’s why.

We knew things weren’t right when we had our son and it seemed mother wanted to claim him as her own, she took advantage of the fact my wife had had little experience with children to take over and used every opportunity to insinuate my wife was a useless mother (she's not she is amazing). Mother would often claim that  our son should be her son no many how many times we told her it was inappropriate. She would sit him on her knee kiss his head staring at my wife and say this one should be mine or when he was a little older she would say he would be happier living with her and used every opportunity to spoil him rotten and tell him she got him things because she loved him so much. The more we asked her not to buy him things crammed with sugar or stuff him with sweets the more she did it, then she would bring fizzy sugar coated sweets to the house (which would send him really hyper) and then look on with a smirk on her face when we would have to refuse him them making us look like the bad guys time and time again .It broke my wife's heart when due to being so badly off we never had money for treats and we as much as we would have loved to be able to take him for fancy days out or buy him toys/rids on kiddies rides at the shopping centre etc it was physically impossible , when refused thing he asked for he would say Grandma would get me it for me because Grandma loves me. 

 Looking back I wish with all my heart I had burst my denial bubble sooner so my son wouldn’t have been exposed to them at all, at the time he was born I was beginning to become  convinced I was paranoid that maybe I was muddled and because they sometimes threw a bone at me and were nice that too confused me even more, When I did start becoming more confident I was not making a thing up I thought they wouldn’t dare harm my son and we made sure he wasn’t left with them on his own.

My wife and I were going through extremely hard times financially and emotionally I was just starting to get some help for my declining mental health but because we didn’t have a spare penny we couldn’t afford the bus fare to get there and at my worst times I couldn’t leave the house on my own so Mother would give us a lift and we noticed how when driving she would physically turn around in her seat to stare at our son who was still a baby and when we would protest she would say I love him too much I can’t help myself we thought this would be a one off once she had been told but as our situation got worse as the abuse became more intense and we began to depend on them more it was starting to happen more and more until we refused to let our son in the car with her, then she turned on my wife whenever she gave my wife a lift she started purposely swerving the car into oncoming traffic  and then tell her if she told me I would think she was trying to kill her, the more my wife began to speak up the worse this got and my wife started having panic attacks in cars and buses there was a few incidents when my mother almost put her under a truck and my wife refused to ever get in the car with her again. The rest of the family were not happy about this and told us we were both being over sensitive that mother would never put us in danger she loved us so much, how could we say such a thing eventually my sister confessed that mother had done this to her sons when they were babies too but we were being far too harsh and mother meant no harm.

The woman physically turned around in her seat to stare at her grandchildren as babies in the back of her car when driving on busy roads! She put everyone around her at risk and on purpose. I will never get my head around how someone could purposefully risk a baby’s life and I will never understand my brother and sister thinking it is acceptable to do it to their children.

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