Saturday, 7 November 2015

Memories of a Scapegoat Big Sisters Little Victim

To the outside world my sister is the epitome of having it all, a (outwardly) beautiful woman she has a good education , a rich successful  husband ,beautiful kids and lives the type of glamorous lifestyle you can only dream about. She projects an image of a loving mum who often celebrates her children's every accomplishment via her social media accounts campaigns for victims  of mental, physical and sexual abuse, she supports female solidarity and has many friends. 

To those who really know her and I mean know her behind closed doors not the band of insecure friends she lords it over and bitches about behind their backs you will know she is a spoiled shallow princess who is rude to waiters and anyone else who has the unfortunate job of serving her,  thinks poor people are dirty (poor to her being the equivalent of a normal working family) and looks down upon anyone who isn't in the position she is in however if you are as rich or richer she will suck up to you like theres no tomorrow and she is the woman who physically and mentally abused me as a child and told me I deserved it because I was a problem child from being born.

These are  my earliest  memories of a woman who is the polar opposite to the image she projects and  will do anything to protect that false self.

I want to start by saying my sister is twelve  years older than me she along with the rest of my family abused me from being a baby and even though I have video proof of her abusing me she still likes to tell me I am paranoid and making it all up in my head. 

As with all articles about my memories I would like to add a trigger warning. 

It started when I was a toddler , my sister who would have been around twelve liked to hide behind the sofa  and call my name as if she was in distress, she would shout for help , me being concerned for my sister I would go to help and find her hiding behind the sofa only for her to hock back and spit a load of phlegm into my face then start laughing manically .  When I started crying she would quickly wipe it off before Mother found out what she had done  and then try to comfort me . She often did this when I was little  and there was always a part of me that didn’t want to go to her but there was also a part of me that thought she might be in trouble and I couldn't not go to see if she was in danger. When I got a little older and started refusing she would then start saying I am really hurt this time and pretend to cry , I have OCD as an adult and spit is something that really kicks that off.

Spitting in my face wasn't enough for her though balloons were also her favourite method of torture , She would grab me me by my head when I was also a toddler and force my face into a balloon . I wouldn't be able to breathe as she kept pushing my face  harder and harder into the balloon there was no way I could fight her off she would shove and shove trying hard to burst the balloon with my face until it popped the balloon would slap me in the face and I would fall face first to the floor.

My sister would be in hysterics thinking it was hilarious and all Mother would ever say was don’t tease the baby, the last time she did it the balloon wouldn’t pop and by the time she eventually stopped I was having a full on panic attack I couldn't breathe and she had me trapped I thought she would never stop, to this day I have a fear of balloons and feel uneasy around them (kids parties are a nightmare) my sister however thought my panic was hilarious and even now tries to brush it off as normal family teasing, Just to reiterate I was three she was fifteen. This happened every time there was a celebration and our family had a lot of parties, she also had a friend who would sometimes help her do it or stand by and watch, a few years ago her friend apologised to me although when I told my sister she said she had spoken to her friend and the apology wasn't real it was tongue in cheek. 

I saw the genuine remorse in her friend's face when she apologised, I said it was alright ,she looked me square in the eye and said No, it isnt .

I accepted her apology fully and I never really held it against her, my sister like the majority of my family is a bully and it's a good possibility she bullied a lot of her friends in the subtle narcissistic way of course.

 My girlfriend has known my family for a lot of years and seen first hand how they can be ,of my sister she has said three things and she is normally the sweetest person you could meet, 

1  She  has met warmer icebergs 
 2  How my sister acts like she is a queen and everyone should be humbled just to be in her presence. 
3 She hates the fucking bitch and thinks she is literally the antithesis to all things good and pure on God's earth

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